The Revengening

“It is I, Maxmillian Atarax. I have returned from my banishment more powerful than you could ever imagine, and I will have my vengeance!”

Maxmillian waves a knobbled staff before him, the power of the arcane sizzling in the air. His robe is majestically tattered and patched and tattered again.

A man beams back at him from behind a wide desk at the entrance to the tower. He has perfectly coiffed curly hair and a twinkling smile.

“Hi, Maxmilian! Welcome to the grand sorcerer’s tower! I’m happy to help you with your quest for revenge. First off, I need to let you know that this will be recorded for training purposes. Could you give me your full name?”

Maximillian stammers a bit but won’t let this strange man derail his speech.

“The grand sorcerer’s days have come to an end. There will be songs of how Maxmillian Atarax lay in his torment, singing to himself of his longing for-”

“Is that Maxmillain Atarax on Clemdale Street?” The man is flipping through a notebook.

“N-No.” Maxmllian stammers. “I’ve been banished to the dark realm for millennia I don’t have an-”

“Alright, then I’ll need you to fill this out.” The man hands him a slip of parchment, smiling like a puppy.

“I’m here to kill the grand sorcerer! I have no time for-”

“No, Yeah, I totally understand. And we pride ourselves on 5-star customer service here in the grand sorcerer lair. We just need to make sure that your quest for revenge is entered into our system. It’s just how we do things here.”

Maxmillian squints at the parchment. “Name, age, species, declared wrongdoing, desired recompense- I will not stand for delay!”

“I understand that your quest is very important, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you get satisfaction!” The man smiles back. “You can sit in our waiting room while you fill it out!” He manages to smile even bigger, and Maxmillian mutters as he walks into the indicated room.

“There’s pens in the-”

“I need no mortal pen!” Maxmillian bellows.

An ogre woman sits in one of the chairs, and a furry creature that seems to be melting is another.

“Revenge quest?” The ogre woman asks with a knowing smile.

“For a thousand years, I have lain in waiting for this day!” Maxmillian says, but his heart isn’t in it.

“That’s nice. I’m just trying to get the grand sorcerer to fix the damn road! Full of potholes, isn’t it!”

The blob creature makes a bunch of whistling noises, and the ogre woman adds, “Don’t I know it!”

“What did she say?” Maxmillian asks.

“Oh, you don’t speak Mithru?” The ogre grimaces.

“,” Maxmillain frowns. “I’ve been banished to the dark realm for a thousand years…”

“Yikes.” The ogre looks away.

“This is ridiculous!” Maxmilian storms back to the front desk. “No more delays! I will kill the grand sorcerer.” He slams the parchment on the desk and magics words onto it with his staff.

“I’ll just take that then.” The man takes the parchment and mutters to himself while he reads the responses. “Killed the demon hound of Ramit? That’s very impressive.”

Maxmillian frowns deeper. “Yes, well, as I will kill the grand sorcerer.”

“Of course, of course…I can get you in…. Three months from yesterday…”


“First available revenge appointment. I can add you to the waitlist-”

“I am not negotiating!” Maxmillian says but can’t seem to find the fury. “For a thousand years, I’ve… trained and… ugh.”

“I completely understand. But you wouldn’t want to deny others who have been waiting for their chance at revenge, would you?”

“Well…n.. no.”

“So… I’ll put you in the schedule for three months from yesterday, and if anything sooner opens up… we’ll send a pigeon.” The man beams.

“But…um… I guess I … Revenge… mayhem, thousand years of… I just….”

“Thanks, and have a five-star day!”